Two for the price of one.

When I was approaching my 30th birthday, I was 9 months pregnant.  

A few weeks before my birthday I should have given birth, but this child stubbornly held on until my exact birthday to come out. (Those three weeks late seemed to go on forever!)

So every year I enjoy having the youthful fun of sharing a birthday with Markus.  This year it was Nerf pistol and Star Wars theme.  

He turns 9, and I will forever be able to remember my age based on his 30 + Markus. 

Happy Birthday to us!

You always wonder what will become of your kids when they get older....from these photos of our family worship time together, I can only guess that they will be musical.  

May the songs and the joy of music stick around all their lives....

familj liv....family life

Våra familj är inte perfekt, men vems är? 

Man letar efter den perfekta bild av en perfekt familj, men detta bild är mycket mer realistiskt...bebisen vill rymma, en är missnöjd, en annan är busig, men vi älskar varandra!

1 Joh 4:19

Vi älskar därför att han först har älskat oss.

Our family isn't perfect, but whose is? 

We search for the perfect picture of our perfect family, but this is much more realistic!  The baby is struggling to get free and crawl away, someone is annoyed, another one is silly, but we love each other!

1 John 4:19, We love because he first loved us...

One of my favorite baby shirts...

"Breastmilk....100% organic" 

"No artificial flavors, color, or preservatives..." 

and the best, 

"satisfied customers worldwide." 

This sums up two of the biggest joys of this Christmas break; 

a sweet Samuel and my parents visiting!

Samuel is just three months, yet he seems older....this kiddo has been sleeping through the night for more than a month (i.e. 8 hours a night).  He just gave us a real hearty laugh tonight, and will give a big toothless smile to most people that engage him.  

His siblings squabble for the right to hold him, entertain him, run and put in his pacifier, etc, so he is pretty spoiled in that category. 

My mom was daily stimulating the kids through playing games, doing crafts, and chatting with them, and my dad was great to go out to the playground with the kids, sing several rounds of Abiyoyo and the marvelous little toy, and hold and be drooled on by Samuel for hours on end...

Elisabeths first week!

I was waiting to get some more "perfect" photos, but its not so easy with a newborn to get those, so here are a few photos from our first week with our sweet newborn, Elisabeth Evangelina.

 And I thought Markus was still a baby......

 Leave us alone....we're sleeeeeeping.

 A very happy big sister....

 Home from the hospital!

 A 3 am photo shoot at the hospital, since Elisabeth anyway didnt want to sleep.

 We get this fancy tray of sandwiches and coffee after all the hard work of giving birth, not bad, Sweden.

 Fresh out of the oven!

 Dont I look ready to get that baby out?  (Soon on the way to the hospital).

Borås Djurpark (the zooooooo)

Today was a fantastic day trip with Daniel's family to the zoo.  Here are a few photos to sum up the fun:

Three strollers, four kiddos, Daniel and 6 of his siblings and his parents and a few in-laws...what a group!

I have NO idea how much Markus understood about today, but he seemed to enjoy it. 

Lots of things were related to movies...Aslan, Timon and Pumba, and Jurassic Park, for example.

This elephant enjoyed entertaining his audience...

Grandma and Grandpa, or in other words, farmorsmormor and morfarsfarfar. :)

My sweet Frida who introduced me to these crazy Norens...

Taking care of her little brother. 

This guy was also pretty close up and center!

I think we ate something like 40+ hotdogs between us...wow. 

Feeding time. 

And these wild animals are soon going to take their afternoon nap. 

Just about to eat ice-cream and check out some penguins...

Highlights: 

1. full time grilling stations where you can bring your hotdogs from home and grill to eat.

2.  Some animal always has to mate when everyone is watching. 

3. watching God's amazing creatures...

4. Getting my in-laws mixed up with all the other tall blonde haired people at the zoo today. 

5. seeing our kiddos enjoy spending time with the family. 

6. Frida is visiting from Lebanon!

What a fun trip....

Plane thoughts

Lydia is at an age (finally) where she can be pretty happy on an 8 hour trip as long as the cartoons are freely flowing.  Markus has proven that he is such a happy kid in general, and makes our life easier in that aspect. 

 One personal reminder: just because a kid is tired does not justify them screaming and being disobedient. (Well, unless they are still a baby). Interesting, but having a high expectation works wonders.  Slightly annoying toys help, and of course some good snacks.  Here’s Daniel with two sleeping kids crashed on him. 

Pennsylvania!

My friend Alicia lives with cornfields and cows around her, and we even got to see her Amish neighbors with a front yard full of buggies for their Sunday house church service.

What a joy to see her sweet family. I love how Alicia has a kid a few years older than ours, and thus has that jump start in wisdom for how to deal with kids.  I love how we always manage to have a game night involving chocolate and popcorn and some new game that we usually incorporate in our Swedish family traditions…

And my nephew Josiah came along and Heath and Blake definitely loved him!  

(Mom, can we visit Josiah in Tennessee?) 

The drive there and back, however, was a long one for those three squished in the back...

And I also noticed how different Lydia is to a big brood of boys; fearful of the motorized car that touched her foot while the boys are clobbering each other for fun, daintily picking at her plate while the boys gobble down, and yet all those kids are so wonderful in their ways.

And both Alicia and Bo’s parents are always a highlight when we visit; Dan has a great way of consistenly reminding people to contact their congressmen and stay active in giving opinions in politics, and we can end it with a plug for Bo’s family business. 

Anyone want to order some grass fed beef? Alicia's in-laws run this company, http://www.valleygrassfed.com/    My parents just got the family pack this past weekend!

the kid is the king of the house?

Here is a great article (although I often think Aftonbladet prints a lot of junk), about kids in Swedish society. 

Among other things, it points out:

1. Those parents who both work and then spoil their kids by "buying" their love with the few hours they do have together....ok kid, you point, I buy it. 

2.  In the past perhaps parents were seen as being too authoritarian and strict, but now the opposite is often true. 

3.  Kids who have everything given to them without any jobs or duties can grow up to have a poor sense of duty to family and society. 

4.  In general, this guys says that kids who are overspoiled have a hard time being satisfied, and will possibly have difficutly relating to others properly when they grow up. 

http://www.aftonbladet.se/debatt/debattamnen/familj/article15097626.ab

Swedes kind of shoot themselves in the leg as they are not legally allowed to physically discipline their kids, and therefore often don't know or are scared to pursue alternative discipline (like positive reinforcement, time out, removal of toys, etc)

Without any discipline, kids can really hurt themselves, and I have seen that several times. An example that our daughter often remembers is two girls who were running wild inside the metro (spårvagn), totally ignoring their mother's pleas to sit down, and then fell and really hurt themselves when it stopped to pick up passengers. 

Recognize this girl from Willy Wonka?  She got everything she wanted, yet had a hard time making friends, being satisfied with life, and was not so fun to be around. 


I don't like to criticize something without giving some alternative solutions, so here we go.  Keep in mind that when used improperly, any discipline (or lack of discipline) can be harmful.

Healthy alternatives to spanking and how it looks in reality:
1.  If the kid is old enough, explaining the natural consequences is often powerful. 
Calmly remove the kid from the danger, in this example a heavy box they were trying to pull off the table.  Explain that if they want it, please ask for mom/dad's help, because if they keep pulling it then it could fall on them, and then that would hurt! It might have made them cry and even need a bandaid.  Isn't it better for mom/dad to help and then they can avoid getting hurt....

2. Kids often are disobedient due to boredom. Think up something to do, even if it means telling them a story while waiting in the grocery line or playing simon says, or otherwise totally distracting them. 
Our daughter got bored of waiting for the lunch as I was getting it ready. I notice her getting sillier and more rebellious, poking the little brother, kicking toys,etc.  By jumping in with distraction (or especially asking her help in preparing lunch), I have destroyed her boredom and put her energy to use for something better. 

3.  Explaining clearly what is coming and what is expected, and following through. 
Often our kids can get upset when we do something without prior warning.  I often step back and give them a grace period before the next thing.  This means, if my daughter is playing with her toys, and we need to go somewhere, I still let her play for one minute, and use that one minute for her to process that we are soon going out. 

4. Time outs are very valuable. 1 minute per year of how old the kid is (4 year old sits 4 minutes, 2 year old sits 2 minutes).  (also known as Supernanny method)
Child is disobedient.  If she knows she is breaking the rules, this means immediate time out. They sit on a chair with a timer set for 3 minutes.  This can be really hard at first to implement, but kids really learn quick when they have to sit and miss out on the fun for a minute or two.  Finish by asking for them to say sorry, and lovingly forgiving them, saying you love them, and giving them a big hug. 

5.  Show disappointment. 
Show how their behavior makes mom/dad, friends, siblings sad and even point out when what they do makes someone cry so they understand what they have done. Forgiveness and love should also be very active here, as well as the golden rule (would you like it if your little brother had hit you like that?, don't do it to him if you wouldn't want to recieve that same treatment). 

6.  Removal of privileges.  
Many things kids have and do are privileges and not rights. Of course sleep, warm clothes, food, love, those are rights. Extra time at the playground, lots of toys, outings, candy, those are privileges.  If a child is disobedient, then offer two options.  If you want to continue disobeying, then i will remove your book/doll/(current favorite toy) until tomorrow. Or in the opposite sense, "if you are a very good girl while we are at the store, then we can go by the playground on the way home." Be sure to be consistent.  Kids REALLY notice when you threaten and don't follow through. 

A friend of mine told of a time when she had a little blow up swimming pool for her kids in the backyard.  It was finally a warm sunny day, and she blew up the pool, filled it up, got the kids ready, and they were excited!!  One of the girls started being disobedient, and the mom said, if you continue being disobedient (i.e.  pulling your sisters hair), I will not allow you to swim in the pool.  She continued pulling her sisters hair, and was very sad to have to sit and watch as her sister played alone in the pool.  She lost her swim privileges one day, but was VERY careful to be obedient and know that mom means business when she says that disobedience will have it's punishment. 

(more tips according to http://nymetroparents.com/article/Eight-Alternatives-to-Slapping-or-Spanking-Children)

1. Prevention

Probably the most effective alternative to hitting a child is prevention. By creating a "child proof" environment, where things are out of reach, children are less likely to get into trouble

2. Show Disappointment 

Let the child know that you are disappointed in his or her behavior. Explain what your expectations are. Make sure he or she understands right from wrong and what the rules are. Explain the consequences if the inappropriate behavior continues.

3. Take Away a Privilege 

If a child misbehaves after being warned, a privilege such as watching television or playing on the computer can be taken away or restricted. Other privileges include playing with a certain toy. Never withhold food.

4. Give a "Time Out" 

Sending a child to his or her room is not an appropriate "Time-Out." Instead, select an area that is isolated from others, such as a certain chair in the corner of a room or hallway. Make sure the child knows why he or she is being given a "Time Out" and how long it will last.

5. Catch Them Being Good

Whenever a child does something good (helps set the table, brush teeth, speaks politely, etc.) be sure to react with praise and other forms of acceptance of those behaviors.  The more parents respond positively, the less likely children are to misbehave.

6. Create a Contract (especially with teenagers)

Write down what you want your teen to do (clean up his/her room, etc.) and indicate what you will do in exchange (stop talking about his friends that you don't like, etc.).  Be specific in indicating what you want to see and what you will or will not do.  Sign the contract.

7. Be Empathetic 

In words and actions, show your children that you understand the difficulties they are facing (other kids calling them names, the loss of a pet, etc.).  Feeling understood helps children feel good about themselves, and such feelings lessen the times they misbehave.

Christmas and snuggling

Before christmas is toooo far away, I wanted to post a few photos from our sweet time. 

Lydia chose a sweet princess dress that she got from Saudi and looked better decorated than the christmas tree itself!

Markus had fun with his little cousin ....can you see any resemblance?  Two almost bald headed cuties.

Even babies get to dress up (and look so grown up, sniff sniff) for Christmas day!

Lydia enjoyed helping with dealing out presents...

But it takes a lot of work and time because the family is so big, and she soon gave up...

One of her favorite gifts was a barbie car from Grandpa!  And now she even lets Markus touch it too. :)

There was plenty of time to let people read her books and stories...

And snuggle...(with Uncle Jonas)

And always a lot of dishes to be done, right Sara?

Oh, the sweet Swedish Christmas trees...they don't have our American twinkle lights, but rather little electric candles.

There is always work to be done when there are duplos laying around.

Farfar is just waiting for Markus to be big enough to go fishing and roll up snowballs to make snowmen...you have a wait a few more years though!

Singing some christmas carols, complete with guitar, piano, and flute.

Having fun together...

And one last snuggly photo of Lydia being read to.  My parents are good readers, and hopefully Lydia will become a good reader too!